I had a day yesterday. I had a moment where I felt so condemned. The attack was real and it was fierce. I felt every bit of it. It felt like it would destroy me. I cried out to God. I heard nothing. It scared me and I trembled to my very core. I cried out to God some very honest things on how I was feeling in that very moment.
I am studying Exodus right now and I just finished the story of the parting of the Red Sea. The Israelites cried out against God in fear as the Egyptians barreled towards them and they were stuck between the enemy and the Red Sea. Moses told them “Fear not, stand firm, and see the salvation of the Lord, which he will work for you today. For the Egyptians whom you see today, you shall never see again. The Lord will fight for you, and you have only to be silent.” Then Moses must have cried out to God himself because in the next verse God said “Why do you cry out to me?” Many commentators will say that God said that because it wasn’t time for Moses to hit his knees it was time for him to move forward with that same faith he preached to the people. I also feel this question was a reminder to Moses on who God is. “Why do you cry out to me? You cry out to Me because you know I am battling this for you. Because you know you can trust me. Because you know I am your God and will do exactly what I promised. Remember that and go! Move forward! Don’t look back!”
I felt that way in my attack. The Egyptians were coming for me and there was no food for comfort. There was no body image or scale to distract me. My idols were gone. It was me and God. God and me. I didn’t get instant gratification or distraction. I was in this battle. I was crying out to God and as Moses came to mind I felt like I could hear God say; “Why do you cry out to me? Remember who I am! Where is your armor, child? Put it on! Remember My truth! Stop agreeing with the lies! Stop giving them a voice! Be silent and know that I am your God. I AM who I AM!”
Here I am this morning strengthened from the battle. Mounting up with wings like an eagle. I am free to fly! Free to walk and trust that I will not grow weary without my idols. I will not stray by not having them to focus on. I trust the great I AM because HE IS who HE IS!
I was in a broken crumble yesterday. I thought I had finally pushed God away. But He had drawn so close to me it made me tremble to my core. He cut something out in me in a way I can’t explain. He cut out some strongholds that have been rooted for a long time. And just like those Egyptians who met their fate that day in the middle of the Red Sea; I will never see them again.