When I came to Jesus, like truly surrendered to Him, I was still not in a good place. I didn’t become obedient or get in step with the Spirit immediately. God took me through baby steps. He didn’t overwhelm me with needing to be perfect all at once. He told me to come just as I am.
My first act of obedience was to attend church. Do you understand that means I was attending church while I was still very deep in sin? Honestly, I was in and out with my attention while the preacher spoke. I would pick up on a few things here and there that would convict me pretty hard. Sometimes I wanted to walk out and not come back but God kept me there. I was also listening to a few preachers online. I kept hearing over and over “read your bible”.
That was my next step in obedience. I didn’t understand a word of it. I would hear this small voice say “Don’t give up. Dig deeper.” So, I googled my questions and found The Enduring Word commentaries. I also learned how to pray for wisdom because God always offers wisdom when we ask. Slowly, I started to understand. It was like a blinder was coming off my eyes or like I was learning a new language. I was amazed at what was being revealed to me. Amazed and convicted. So convicted! I was still deep in sin, remember? Reading Gods word for myself made it so much more personal. It was God himself showing me all I had done. It was Him sending life changing conviction. It was Him teaching me His grace, love, mercy, and forgivenss along the way. He changed me. He loved me right where I was and He started, sin by sin, tearing them down. He is still at work on me today and will be for the rest of my time on earth.
I am so thankful for that first step. I am so thankful for a church that didnt push me away due to my sin. A true Godly church will never turn you away when you need them the most. Church is for the “sick” and God shows up as our Great Physician. We are all sick. Maybe different levels with different devils…but we are all in need of our Great Physician. If you are in the middle of feeling scorned by a church, lost in the bible, or just scared to even try at all….Don’t give up. Dig deeper. Friend, it is so worth those first wobbly steps into your walk with Him. So many of us have been right where you are. Reach out. I am here to take your hand along the way. God is even more present than any earthly hand you could have. Let Him steady your steps and put you on a path everlasting.
On hearing this, Jesus said to them, “It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick. I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners.”