A 2 a.m. wake up call

2 a.m. and I am awakened with feelings of rejection. I feel rejected a lot. I have my whole life. It has been like a black cloud over my head for as long as I can remember. Even as a young kid I felt like I was just too different. Too weird. Too annoying. Not lovable. People might think I’m great at first but give it time and I will fall off that pedestal and be rejected once again.

That fall hurts. So, I just stopped trying to be on anyone’s pedestal. Take me as I am from the get go or get going. Even still, feelings of rejection float to the surface no matter how much I try to push them down. Of course, this leads me to rejecting others. You don’t want me? That’s fine, I don’t want you either. I have lived most of my life without many friends so I’m used to being alone anyway.

I can’t get away with that anymore. That is why God woke me up at 2 a.m. He doesn’t let me get away with rejecting people anymore even if I feel rejected. Whether my feelings are valid or not doesn’t matter. Maybe my flesh is playing mind games with me or maybe people really do get sick of me. My purpose in life is not to analyze that and try to figure it out.

As I laid here at first asking God to heal these feelings of rejection and to make me not care about it anymore so I can love others the way He wants me to, He helped me realize something. Jesus is rejected by the very people He died for. For a time He was even rejected by those closest to Him. He was betrayed by a man that He had fully accepted into His closest circle knowing full well that is what He would do. For a moment, He was even rejected by God as He took all of our sins on the cross.

Did Jesus “not care” about this rejection? Is that how He did it? Is that how He stayed on the cross when He could have called legions of angels to pull Him off of it? Was He able to just push this rejection down so He could carry on being about His Father’s business?

Of course He cared. It broke His heart. He felt every bit of that rejection and all the pain of it. So, I asked Him; “How do I do that? How do I love despite the pain of feeling rejected?” He replied; “My love is greater than that pain. My love is greater than acceptance and rejection. You have to love so big that the sting of rejection doesn’t change your heart for people.”

“I can’t do this without You, Lord. I need You to get me there. I come willingly for You to do Your will in me.”

“I abide in you and you also abide in Me. You can do all things through Me. I will strengthen you. My grace is sufficient for you.”

Folks, I know it hurts. Whatever it is you are feeling. Whether striving to stay accepted or accepting the rejection. Either side of the coin is painful. Just let go of trying to figure it out and let God get you there.

Jesus went to the cross fully accepted by some, temporarily denied by others, and fully rejected by most. Yet, He died with the same heart for all of them.

He also died with a dark cloud over His head. But that was only temporary. He rose again three days later as the the light of the world that would never have a dark cloud over Him again. And as we accept Him into our lives then He conquors our dark clouds, too. Take it from a girl who is up at 2 a.m. conquoring clouds with Jesus.

I am so thankful for Jesus. Thanks to Him feeling momentary rejection from God I will now never feel God’s rejection, not even for a second. And what is even more beautiful is it was the great plan of the Holy Trinity all along. God the Father, God the Son, and God the Holy Spirit being the great Three in One, with the same mind and the same plan, made it so we are able to be fully accepted the very moment we say ” yes” to Jesus’ question of “Follow me?”

Any rejection I face here on earth is just a temporary affliction that doesn’t compare to the glory I have coming in my eternity. It doesn’t compare to the joy set before me.

It doesn’t compare to the joy and peace He provides me here on earth no matter my circumstances. He is all I ever need. Even if this whole world and everyone in it was to turn their backs on me then I would still have Him loving me so much that it overflows to all around me. He loves me big so I can love you big.

Oh, I am not perfect at loving others but I am perfectly loved by God and without a bit of lack in the things that matter. He is all I ever need. He abides in me and I in Him. The living water that quenches every thirst abides in me and will never run dry. His grace truly is sufficient.

Wherever I need to go, He will get me there.

The same is true for you, my friends. I pray for your 2 a.m. wake up call of conquoring clouds with Jesus.

I love you ❤️

I thank God for you

Continuing in my study of Deuteronomy 31:

Verses 7-8:
Then Moses called Joshua and said to him in the sight of all Israel, “Be strong and of good courage, for you must go with this people to the land which the LORD has sworn to their fathers to give them, and you shall cause them to inherit it. And the LORD, He is the one who goes before you. He will be with you, He will not leave you nor forsake you; do not fear nor be dismayed.”

First I want to share some commentary from David Guzick:

“Bringing the people into the Promised Land was God’s work. He was going to do it. But God almost always does His work through men and women who make themselves available to Him.

i. Sometimes people wrongly say, “It is all the LORD, it’s all the LORD.” True, God does His work, but He does it through people.

Since God was going to use Joshua, he must be strong and of good courage. But Moses knew Joshua and knew that he would. So he confidently said, you shall cause them to inherit it.

i. Men of encouragement like Moses are a blessing. Moses knew that Joshua might be wavering, so he encouraged him, and pushed him forward to be more than he perhaps thought he could be. God uses encouraging people to help us fulfill the destiny He has for us.

ii. Joshua was the man; but the work was the LORD’s”

My thoughts:

We had this discussion in a Bible study I attended not long ago. When we do some work for the Lord and people say “Thank you” or they speak words of encouragement over us we feel compelled to tell them to thank the Lord instead or remind them that it is all glory to God. While this is very true and we should always remember that it is the Lord’s work and He is the one that calls us and enables us to do it, we also need to be able to accept gratitude and encouragement with a grateful heart. Accepting a thank you or encouragement is not prideful when we realize God has sent that to us through someone else just as He sent us to do His work to others. It all goes together. Where we get into trouble is when we start doing work while expecting a thank you or gratitude or encouragement. We don’t work for the gratitude but for the Lord, who will, in His loving kindess, mercy, and grace, send us gratitude because He loves us. He can also remove it when we start doing His work with the wrong heart. He is a good Shepherd, after all, and will not let us stray far if we always recognize His correction. And we will when we seek the kingdom first.

So, just to make things easier when I want to thank or encourage someone the Spirit as led me to Philippians 1:3:

“I thank my God every time I remember you.”

For all of you out there doing God’s work; I thank God for you. I thank you for being so obedient and bringing His love to the world. Thank you for making yourself available to Him and answering His call with “Here am I, Lord, send me.” It is not an easy task but the most worthwhile task. Be strong and of good courage for the Lord goes before you. He will not fail you nor forsake you. Fear not and do not be discouraged. God loves you and so do I. ❤️

Is gluttony really a sin?

As we draw closer to the New Year and we all start making our “New Year, new you” resolutions, I want to share what God has been working out in me.

Many of our resolutions will be to lose weight. That is usually coming after a huge holiday binge fest, right? Eat all we want now because we are going to deny ourselves later. That right there is a sign of the wrong motivation. Anytime we say that we are going to change the way we eat but we are going to start on Monday and binge out til then, we are setting ourselves up for failure because we have the wrong motivation.

Maybe our motivation is a vanity reason. We want to look better. Want to be able to wear our clothes better. Want to be a smaller size. Want people to notice the weight we have lost. This is like chasing the wind. We can certainly do things that make us “look better” but if we don’t like how we look now I can tell you from experience you won’t like what you look like when you lose weight either. There will still be more weight to lose, more muscle to tone, and then having to work so hard to keep a certain “look” that you find approving. These bodies will grow older and never look the same anyway. These bodies are temporary, and we are not to strive for what is temporary, right?

2 Corinthians 4:18
“while we look not at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen; for the things which are seen are temporal, but the things which are not seen are eternal.”

Maybe our motivation is to be healthy. We want to have good health to carry us into our elder years. That seems like a good goal! And it isn’t all bad. We should want to take good care of our bodies because they are the temple of the Holy Spirit. But even our health is fleeting. This still isn’t enough to keep us on track.

So, what then? What is it that can keep us on track? First thing is knowing the truth about overeating.

Proverbs 23:19-21
19 Listen, my son, and be wise,
and set your heart on the right path:
20 Do not join those who drink too much wine
or gorge themselves on meat,
21 for drunkards and gluttons become poor,
and drowsiness clothes them in rags.

It is obvious that getting drunk is a sin. Well, seems obvious to most anyway and for obvious reasons. I dare say, not a single good decision was made while drunk. But did you know that gluttony ranked right up there with drunkards in the Bible? In church, we wouldn’t laugh at someone getting drunk at an event. No, we would intervene and try to help that person. But we laugh about over indulging in food, don’t we? This sin may be overlooked by most churches but it certainly isn’t overlooked by God.

The good news is, it wasn’t overlooked by Jesus either. He died for that sin. His blood washes it away. He sent the Spirit to abide in us to give us strength to repent that sin and have a heart change over it. That is some pretty strong motivation there, isn’t it?

I had a particularly rough day yesterday. It was really more than one thing but one particular thing was rather tough. I wanted to eat my feelings away and the enemy was saying to me “is it even really a sin anyway?” So, I went to God with that question and guess what book and chapter came to me in my email this morning? Proverbs 23. Those verses I posted earlier are what I read this morning and it is by no coincidence. That was God making it perfectly clear that yes, this is sin.

That is good news, too! Jesus has defeated sin, and since Jesus is a friend of ours and our Savior from sin then we can start walking today in victory over it.

Not on Monday. Not on January 1st. But we can choose today who we will serve; our fleshly desire for overindulgence and the idol of food or Jesus. As for me and my body, we will serve the Lord! (Joshua 24:15)

I can’t do that!

“Don’t you think it’s interesting that the greatest sermon Jesus ever preached there’s no mention of the cross? Jesus had the purpose in mind on the Sermon on the Mount to prepare men and women to receive what he would do on the cross and to prepare them by ruining their confidence in their own good works.

We are supposed to come to verse 48, to that statement, ‘you shall be perfect just as your Father in heaven is perfect’ and say “I can’t do that!’

So, what do we do? We look to the cross… Jesus says I did [lived perfectly] and if you put your trust in me I will give you the gift of my righteousness in your life. My righteousness will be yours.

We are supposed to regard it like this; ‘I thought I was a pretty good person until I heard Jesus really explain the law of God in the Sermon on the Mount. Now I know I really need a Savior.’ ” -David Guzick

Even you

You know what amazes me? The Great I Am, the Creator of all things, the one true God created me! Not only that, but He knew what I would do before He ever created me. He knew the sinful, hurtful life I would live and He created me anyway.What amazes me even more is that my sinful life didn’t stop Him from calling me. When my flesh pulls me to look back in regret then the Spirit reminds me “The Great I Am, the Creator of all things, the one true God called to you even then.” Right at the bottom of my brokenness.I love this song. Some people will say “I didn’t find God. God was never lost. I was lost and God found me.” The way I see it; God knew where I was the whole time. I wasn’t lost in a sense that He couldn’t find me. I was lost because I was blind and couldn’t see where I was going. Then one day, God showed me so much grace. He opened my eyes and let me see where I was going and I didn’t like it. He let me see that He has never left me. In my past, I found Him there. He let me see that He was calling to me and desired to save me. In my present, I found Him there. He opened my eyes to see who He truly is and He softened my heart so I could fall in love with everything about Him. In my future, I found Him there.It didn’t matter what I had done. He created me to truly love me, and He only desires that I truly love Him back. I am in awe of that. Even a sinner like me, Lord? “Yes,” He says.Even a sinner like you, my lost friends. Even a sinner like you.❤”But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.”Romans 5:8

Chasing the wind

Some thoughts I wanted to share after a quick Bible study on my lunch break. I hope it lightens your heart and puts a skip in your step as it did mine. ❤

Stop striving for what we think we need to be happy. The perfect husband, the perfect kids, the perfect body, the perfect house, the perfect finances, being the perfect Christian…all these pride of life things are under the sun! They never satisfy because they are never perfect. Just a chasing of the wind. Let it go and be free! Just enjoy the presence of a good, good Father!

But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things (what we need and what will bring true joy) will be given to you as well.
Matthew 6:33

Let go of striving for happiness! Just enjoy our Father! Our Abba! Just enjoy GOD!! Only God can satisfy us! So be satisfied with Him! Be satisfied in Him!

Just go

To all the young families:

Go to church. Get an actual relationship with God. Not just that “oh, sure, I believe in God. I know Jesus.” type of relationship. But the type that He is all you think about and your whole life is centered around Him. And don’t think you are doing your kids any favors by “letting them choose for themselves”. I am here to tell you that you are not. They will choose the ways of the world everytime and follow your regret-filled footsteps and worse. Don’t you want more than that for them? Listen for God calling to you and go!

Let me tell you why:

If you don’t then you are going to have a past you deeply regret. Yes, once you truly come to Christ you are forgiven. But that doesn’t change what kind of parent you was while you strayed so far from God. It doesn’t change how you raised your kids while being so self centered because you didn’t come to God so He could pull you out of yourself and teach you to love others more than you love yourself. It doesn’t change the choices you made while you didn’t have your aim set on Jesus, the perfector of our faith.

You do not want these regrets. It is one thing to hurt yourself. It is totally another thing to look back and see the damage you did to your kids and others in your life. It is those things that your flesh will wake you up at night thinking about. It is what leaves you in tears as you see your adult kids struggling and you now know the cure but they won’t take it.

Yes, God redeems. Yes, He restores. And I am so thankful for that! Knowing that is what gets me through those painful thoughts and regrets. It is what brings joy and peace back to my heart.

Young families, you don’t want this struggle. No parent is perfect even if you have a God filled home, but the regrets hit a little different when you didn’t. I don’t know who this is for but go. Don’t wait for daddy to go
Momma, you take those kids. Daddy, don’t wait for momma to go. You take them. Just go. Grow. Take it all in and mature in your faith. Give your kids a strong foundation. Find that church that feels like home and truly loves you and your kids. Those churches are out there, I promise you. Seek until you find it. And then serve. Serve in that church and feel your heart fill with joy. Not because it is good work. Although it is. Not because you are being obedient. Although you are. But because it fills you with joy, peace, and love to serve a church that serves you! It keeps you from being self centered and opens you up to learning how to love others better. Especially your kids.

Don’t you hear Him calling? Just go.

I may regret a huge portion of my past but I never have regretted studying my bible, being in church, or serving. Just. Go.

Proverbs 29:15
The rod (the Bible) and reproof (Godly instruction to correct behavior or to rebuke) give wisdom, but a child left to himself brings shame (regret) to his mother.

Ephesians 6:4
Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.

Is Jesus just a remedy for a temporary affliction?

As I sit in this deer stand the story of the woman who came to seek Jesus in a crowd and was healed after touching the hem of His garment comes to mind.

In Luke chapter 8 it says a whole crowd had surrounded Jesus and was pressing against Him. That means many people were touching Him seeking to be healed. It also says that when the woman just touched the hem of His garment He felt power go out from Him. The woman was healed just by touching the hem of His garment, but for the others pressing against Him no power went out.

So, what was the difference between her and alll those other people that had pressed up against Jesus seeking to be healed? Faith. By faith, she was healed.

This tells me faith is more than just believeing what Jesus can do. It is about more than knowing who He is and what He is. It is about desiring a relationship with Him. It is about wanting HIM whether you are healed or not. It is trusting Him to know that sometimes the healing you are asking for, in the way you are requesting it, is not the healing you actually need. It is about coming to Jesus to be our savior and Lord of our lives. That means more than just using Him as a remedy for a temporary affliction, but to desire to follow Him into eternty.

For those that desire to know Jesus like that then they understand the power of the hem. For those that don’t then they call the hem of that garment foolish and will never feel its power.

“For the message of the cross is foolishness to those who are perishing, but to us who are being saved it is the power of God.” 1 Corinthians 1:18

A foot in divination

Zechariah 10:2
The idols speak deceitfully,
diviners see visions that lie;
they tell dreams that are false,
they give comfort in vain.
Therefore the people wander like sheep
oppressed for lack of a shepherd.

Divination: a corrupted seeking of spiritual knowledge. Such as: fortune telling, astrology, witchcraft, tarot cards, and spell casting.

James 1:5
If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you.

Psalm 23:1
The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want.

Do you want to keep wandering around feeling oppressed without a shepard while seeking wisdom in deceitful places? From a deceiver that is only out to kill, steal, and destroy.


Do you want the truth from the true Shepherd that gives wisdom generously leaving you lacking for nothing? To follow a Shepherd that went to the slaughter like a lamb to protect His flock so that we may have eternal life in heaven and a life more abundant on earth.

Your choice. He always leaves you free to choose. You can’t have one foot in divination and one foot in God.

“But if serving the Lord seems undesirable to you, then choose for yourselves this day whom you will serve…. But as for me and my household, we will serve the Lord.” Joshua 24:15