A 2 a.m. wake up call

2 a.m. and I am awakened with feelings of rejection. I feel rejected a lot. I have my whole life. It has been like a black cloud over my head for as long as I can remember. Even as a young kid I felt like I was just too different. Too weird. Too annoying. Not lovable. People might think I’m great at first but give it time and I will fall off that pedestal and be rejected once again.

That fall hurts. So, I just stopped trying to be on anyone’s pedestal. Take me as I am from the get go or get going. Even still, feelings of rejection float to the surface no matter how much I try to push them down. Of course, this leads me to rejecting others. You don’t want me? That’s fine, I don’t want you either. I have lived most of my life without many friends so I’m used to being alone anyway.

I can’t get away with that anymore. That is why God woke me up at 2 a.m. He doesn’t let me get away with rejecting people anymore even if I feel rejected. Whether my feelings are valid or not doesn’t matter. Maybe my flesh is playing mind games with me or maybe people really do get sick of me. My purpose in life is not to analyze that and try to figure it out.

As I laid here at first asking God to heal these feelings of rejection and to make me not care about it anymore so I can love others the way He wants me to, He helped me realize something. Jesus is rejected by the very people He died for. For a time He was even rejected by those closest to Him. He was betrayed by a man that He had fully accepted into His closest circle knowing full well that is what He would do. For a moment, He was even rejected by God as He took all of our sins on the cross.

Did Jesus “not care” about this rejection? Is that how He did it? Is that how He stayed on the cross when He could have called legions of angels to pull Him off of it? Was He able to just push this rejection down so He could carry on being about His Father’s business?

Of course He cared. It broke His heart. He felt every bit of that rejection and all the pain of it. So, I asked Him; “How do I do that? How do I love despite the pain of feeling rejected?” He replied; “My love is greater than that pain. My love is greater than acceptance and rejection. You have to love so big that the sting of rejection doesn’t change your heart for people.”

“I can’t do this without You, Lord. I need You to get me there. I come willingly for You to do Your will in me.”

“I abide in you and you also abide in Me. You can do all things through Me. I will strengthen you. My grace is sufficient for you.”

Folks, I know it hurts. Whatever it is you are feeling. Whether striving to stay accepted or accepting the rejection. Either side of the coin is painful. Just let go of trying to figure it out and let God get you there.

Jesus went to the cross fully accepted by some, temporarily denied by others, and fully rejected by most. Yet, He died with the same heart for all of them.

He also died with a dark cloud over His head. But that was only temporary. He rose again three days later as the the light of the world that would never have a dark cloud over Him again. And as we accept Him into our lives then He conquors our dark clouds, too. Take it from a girl who is up at 2 a.m. conquoring clouds with Jesus.

I am so thankful for Jesus. Thanks to Him feeling momentary rejection from God I will now never feel God’s rejection, not even for a second. And what is even more beautiful is it was the great plan of the Holy Trinity all along. God the Father, God the Son, and God the Holy Spirit being the great Three in One, with the same mind and the same plan, made it so we are able to be fully accepted the very moment we say ” yes” to Jesus’ question of “Follow me?”

Any rejection I face here on earth is just a temporary affliction that doesn’t compare to the glory I have coming in my eternity. It doesn’t compare to the joy set before me.

It doesn’t compare to the joy and peace He provides me here on earth no matter my circumstances. He is all I ever need. Even if this whole world and everyone in it was to turn their backs on me then I would still have Him loving me so much that it overflows to all around me. He loves me big so I can love you big.

Oh, I am not perfect at loving others but I am perfectly loved by God and without a bit of lack in the things that matter. He is all I ever need. He abides in me and I in Him. The living water that quenches every thirst abides in me and will never run dry. His grace truly is sufficient.

Wherever I need to go, He will get me there.

The same is true for you, my friends. I pray for your 2 a.m. wake up call of conquoring clouds with Jesus.

I love you ❤️