A beast of gluttony

As I sit here thinking about gluttony, I feel wore out. You all know that I have spoken on my gluttony with food more than once. It is such a thorn in my side! Our preacher has started a Wednesday night class that discusses how to apply biblical scripture to our lives. (Shannon Road Baptist Church, Pine Bluff, 6:00…for anyone interested. You dont even have to be a member of the church, just come on) He told us to write down any issues we would like discussed in the class. I wrote a long paragraph this morning about wanting to discuss gluttony and addiction. I wrote about my personal struggle and how I always feel like I am fighting a beast that wont give up. I wrote about how much I have brought God into the battle, yet, every day I wake up and the battle begins again.

I feel wore out and battle worn. Why is killing this sin so important to me? Is it for vanity reasons? Yes. Im not going to lie. I want to look fit and healthy. I want to look better in clothes I wear. That is another battle…I know. I also want to stay active. Sure, I can be overweight and active but this weight is holding me back from doing things I still really want to do! It holds me back even more the older I get. God has put a desire in me to be active and run around with kids and all that. I feel it slipping away the longer I hold on to this weight. But also…so much also…I dont want to keep putting food before a Father that loves me. For so long food has been my comfort. What was only meant to nourish my body I have been trying to use to nourish my soul. It cant do that. It wasnt meant to.

Anyway, after I wrote down my thoughts and questions the Spirit brought to mind “dont grow weary in doing good. For in due time you will reap a harvest.” This verse can apply to so many things but I have never applied it to food. Making healthy choices with food and being mindful of not overeating or eating when not hungry, and staying active are good. Those are good! Dont grow weary in doing those things! Then the Spirit brought to mind “of these things there is no law against.” All of these diets and rules have all of these laws. If I set my mind on doing good then eating a specific way or at a specific time or a specific calorie/carb amount doesnt have to be my law. Healthy choices, mindful eating, and staying active. Against these things there is no law.

Will there ever be a day that I wake up and this beast isnt the first thing on my mind? I dont know. I have no answer to that. But what I do know is God is walking me through it and I am not alone. I will not grow weary.

Galatians 6:9
Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.

Galatians 5:22-23
But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law.

Colossians 3:2
Set your mind on things above, not on things on the earth.

2 Corinthians 12:9
But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.

The adversaries within

The bible speaks a lot on followers of Jesus coming under adversities and persecutions. The verses comfort us in reminding us that Jesus has overcome them all and is going to battle with us and for us as we walk through them.

Currently, my biggest adversaries and persecutors come from within. Right inside myself. That fight between my righteous spirit given to me by the grace of God and my sinful nature is real. And daily. Im sure it is the same for many of you as well.

I take great comfort in knowing that God is here to protect me from even myself. These verses hit a little different when you think of them that way.

John 16:33
“I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.”

Psalm 34:19
Many are the afflictions of the righteous, but the Lord delivers him out of them all.

1 John 5:4
For everyone born of God overcomes the world. This is the victory that has overcome the world, even our faith.

1 Peter 4:12-13
Beloved, do not be surprised at the fiery trial when it comes upon you to test you, as though something strange were happening to you. But rejoice insofar as you share Christ’s sufferings, that you may also rejoice and be glad when his glory is revealed.

Romans 8:37
No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us.

2 Corinthians 4:8-9
We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not driven to despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed;

1 Peter 5:10
And after you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you.

Proverbs 3:4-6
So you will find favor and good success in the sight of God and man. Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths.

My testimony

It was at church camp that Jesus called to me. I cant remember how old I was. If I was to guess I would say I was probably around 12. He pulled and pulled at my heart one evening as I was walking back to my cabin after service. That tug stopped me in my tracks and I told my friend “I have to go back.” I found an adult leader and told him I wanted to accept Jesus. I was saved that night. The Spirit came to abide in me. I didnt know where to go from there. I didnt start following Jesus but He sure followed me. I was young and didnt know the next steps to take.

Life went on and it got confusing and difficult….but He was there. It got lonely and my heart was broken time and time again….but He was there. Many times I tried to get on track with Him. I would start going back to church but others around me would say “you get so goody goody and preachy preachy when you go to church. You dont have to center your whole life around that stuff” They would get aggravated with me. Keep talking down about it. I didnt want to be lonely again and the struggle with my own flesh was too much. So, I would stop. And that struggle would stop. But life never did. It would keep throwing blows and leaving me feeling worthless. If I dropped the ball in one area I would be raked through the fire for it. Constantly being told to do better but never allowed the one Person that could make me better. Each time I invited Him in I would be ridiculed for it. Yet, He stuck around. He was always there. He knew I had no support system to help me walk His way. He always understands our circumstances. That is why He will always accept us just as we are and right where we are.

Life continued and a divorce, single life, and then a new marriage happened. My poor new husband married such a very damaged girl and he paid dearly for it. I was very comfortable in my sin. Like, pull up a blanket on a cold winter’s night by a fireplace on a comfy couch kind of comfortable. Even then, He was there. Then my emotions started going all over the place. I tried to blame it on my husband or on others. I was so depressed. I started truly hating my life. I wanted to run. But where could I run? Jesus was after me. My struggle was from denying that. I had pushed Him away for so long that I forgot what conviction felt like. This time He was not letting go.

He was not letting go.

One day I hit my knees and buried my face in my hands. I cried out “Lord please! I dont want to be on sinking sand. Please help me build my house on a rock. Please set me on the rock!” See, I didnt have to pray for salvation again, but I did need to be saved. I was resuced that day. It didnt really feel like it at first. There were confessions that needed to be made, forgiveness to be asked for, and forgiveness to be given. There was a lot of mourning over sin that hurt people. He walked me through it all. There are still things we are working on, but He will walk me through all of that, too. He is truly the only One that has walked me through every blow life threw. He is truly the only One I needed to be there. He has always been there. Even when I was deep in sin. What kind of love is that?! It is a ridiculous love. It surpasses all understanding.

It can be yours. He is with you. He has a marvelous plan for you. He wants to rescue you. Are you ready?